To my woman

Oh woman of mine...
Why do you want me to be
a mirror, always,
to see yourself
through my eyes.
The primal need,
reflection,
touch for touch,
kiss for kiss,
blow for blow?

You search my eyes
for your own passions,
desires…
Disappointment,
sharp as thorns
make you bleed.
I watch
helpless,
distant.

Dear heart.
Don’t you know,
I love you
I want you
in my own way,
on my terms?
I crave abandon,
of losing myself in you,
your eyes.
your lips
your body.
I crave freedom, too
in wild days, wilder nights,
on my own terms.

But not today, my love,
not just now.
I have to go,
back where I belong.
To my golden cage,
built with infinite patience,
step by tiny step.

I go back there.
Time and time again.
The doors open for me,
the golden perch beckons.
I go inside, I close the door.
comfort, like cotton wool,
delicious, warm,
wraps me up,
smothers me.
And I want to run….
To open skies,
new landscapes,
those ‘sawdust restaurants with oyster shells’
on ‘streets that follow like a tedious argument’
hackneyed images, words, clichés….
with you? without you?

Woman of mine,
when will you understand,
this need to go back
to my creation.
My freedom,
is but a foray,
momentary
a step outside my gilded cage…

I cannot spread my wings,
to embrace
the void
of your existence,
of your world.
Doubts,
longings,
misgivings.
The sudden swings,
agony and ecstasy….

So forgive me, my love.
You, who made me dream.
I cannot tread this path,
this razor’s edge.
I shall forsake
the wild days
the endless nights,
for the safety
of my golden cage.